Of Passion
by BowSightScope
Summary: A one-shot about Shinji tearing himself apart after third impact... Asuka finally realizes how much she cares about him when he really starts to hurt himself... Rated M for lemon/blood/and depressing content...


This story was made in memory of a dear, dear friend of mine who… … … who I had very Extremely strong feelings for… but I never said anything to her about it… … … She recently passed away… and I'll never forgive myself…… … If we had been in opposite side

This story was made in memory of a dear… dear friend of mine who… … … who I had extremely strong feelings for… but I never said anything to her about it… … … She was recently taken away from me… … … and I'll never forgive myself… … … If we had been in opposite sides of the car… she'd still be here with me… … … … … … And now… … … I'll never be able to tell her how much I truly loved her… … … A simple passionate love is all I wanted… … … A love without lust or quarreling, a love with kindness and hope, romance and honesty, and a passionate love that we would both have kept for the rest of our lives… … … … … … and now? Now what? YY

_Chapter 1: Of Passion…_

"Shinji? Shinji… … … please tell me what's wrong?" Asuka was sitting by Shinji's bed in his room… … … She was crying quietly, hoping that he couldn't see her face in the dark cold place that his room had become… the only reason that she knew she was next to his bed is because she had run into it on the way in… He had been laying there for the past four days… … … His eyes were almost always open, only blinking occasionally… he wasn't sleeping, and his eyes were so deep with depression… that just looking into them for more then a few moments was enough to make you want to break down and weep for… … … whomever he mourned for… … … He had thrown his S.D.A.T. player away… not across the room away… But off the top of their apartment complex away… Asuka had watched him do it… … … She ran up to him and slapped him for it, it had been a very valuable item seeing as how they weren't made any more… … … but… … … he didn't recoil… he didn't cringe… … … he didn't say or do anything to defend himself… … … even when she said that he was pathetic, he just nodded… then walked back down the stairs slowly with his head down… … … It was at that point that Asuka was truly worried… … … She kept checking the fridge that was full of beer… that never emptied any more… … … It had been only a few days since third impact… Four days to be precise… … … and it was only them… them and a few others… Kaji was alive… … … Hikari Toji and Kensuke… … … Ibukii … a few of the other N.E.R.V. Personnel … and several people that they didn't know… … … but there were several people that they DID know who didn't come back… … … and Shinji was taking it like it was the end of the world… well… maybe it was for him?

"Shinji… Pleeeaaase… Say Something… Anything…" Asuka Reached out and felt for him… She found his arm… … … She moved her hand up to his hand and laced her fingers between his trying to comfort him… … … He didn't return the gesture…

"Shinji? … … … Shinji?!" She followed his arm back down to his elbow, then to his shoulder, then to his chest… … … It was moving up and down in a slow rhythmic pattern… he was still breathing… … … but She still couldn't see him… … …

"I'll be right back OK?" Asuka walked to the door, almost walking THROUGH the paper thin door because she didn't see it, then slid it open and walked out… Asuka went into her own room and pulled out a lamp, not a bright thing that would be Blinding to Shinji in that darkness, but something more like a black light, only, It glowed more pinkish rather then purple.

Asuka walked out of her room, turned right and walked towards his room… only to stop dead… … … He was standing with most of his body outside his room… he wasn't wearing a shirt, only his underwear and a loose pair of shorts… … … He was pale… VERY pale… … … He was thin and his ribs were showing just a bit, his eyes had dark, dark circles under them, he still had that look of the world ending in his eyes… but… there was something very wrong… his arms… … … his arms were covered in dry blood… … … Deep, deep gashes ran across his upper arms and Wrists… … … one of which on his upper left arm was fresh and newly bleeding…

'Why didn't I notice that earlier?!' Asuka thought to herself, mentally kicking herself for not paying enough attention. She stood there, stunned… it seemed like he was just going to disappear if she didn't do anything… Lightning crackled outside the window, bringing all the blood, all the gashes, the circles under his eyes, EVERYTHING bad, into a much harder focus… the rain made its Report on the windows of the apartment… … … when her eyes adjusted back to the low light, he was gone… he had slipped back into his room, she knew based on the bed creaking a bit from him jumping back on it… or just laying back on it… she got chills from seeing him that way… and her only wearing her Night-shirt and panties didn't help any…

It took Asuka a moment to get herself under control again… … … She walked back into her room and set up the pink light, taping it to the primary light as it was the best position to put a light in the first place.

She walked back into his room and found him again, pulling him out of the bed… He didn't put up any resistance… She dragged him back into her room and made him sit on the floor, cross legged. The gentle glow of the pink light actually made him look better then the brightness of the lightning. After that she went to the bathroom and got a cloth full of warm water, then wrung it out for the most part.

"Shinji?..." She asked quietly, questioningly. "Please… Please tell me what's wrong? Why are you doing this to yourself? You look like you're about to either dissolve or just curl up and die at any minute! … … … Can you tell me? Please?" She was almost pleading; it hurt her to see him like this… She didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth… She dabbed at the blood stains on his arms, tinted black in the coloration of the light… "Can you at least tell me why you did THIS to yourself?" She still spoke softly… she knew that he was so used to the quiet… She had visited with the stooges and Hikari during the 4 days that had gone past, but she knew that he hadn't left his room since he had thrown his S.D.A.T. Player away… hell, he probably hadn't even MOVED since then…

(Listen to the song: "Love Song" By the group: "311")

She wiped his arms gently with the warm wet cloth, wiping the blood off of his right arm, then his left, cleaning the Area around the fresh abrasion… She looked at it for a moment and saw how deep it really was… checking it with a flashlight she had in her drawer…

"Shi-… Shinji… This one goes … goes down… down to the bone… what… why-?"

Shinji actually made a sound… it was the sound of a tear that he had been trying to hide… the high pitch inhaling and exhaling that said he was crying very hard, but trying to keep it quiet… he had been looking down, so up until now, She hadn't known… that he had been crying.

"As…Asuka… … …" He said through the tears, "It's all my fault… … Fuyutski… Ritsuko… … … " His voice was clenching up even harder now, "Rei… … …" he was barely even whispering now, "…Misato… … … It's all my fault… they're all gone… because of me… … … I could've saved them… I could have helped them… I should have done SOMETHING… … … … … … Asuka… I … … … It's all my fault… so many people died because of me… I… … … I don't deserve to live… … … after everything that I've done…"

"Shinji… … … That's not true… you did everything that you could…" She Wrapped a clean sock around his arm and tied it tight to stop the bleeding… … … "You did an amazing job trying to fight the dummy Eva's… you even stopped the world from ending!" She still spoke softly… She pulled him towards her… he didn't resist… She pulled his head to her chest, cradling his head in a way that was both loving and forceful at the same time.

"None of that matters… It's the ones that I've let down… the ones that I've hurt… and killed… those are the ones that I'll never forget…"

"You… … … you'll forget… meeeee?" She spoke in a cute voice that was pretending to be sad.

He gasped slightly, "NO! … … … I just… … … I have no reason to live…I've done nothing that's worth wanting me around for…"

"Shinji... don't say that… you DO have a reason to live… … … and you did do something… you saved me… and I want to keep you around whether you think you're worth it or not…" Asuka lifted his head up until they were eye to eye… … … "Shinjiii…" She pleaded quietly… She moved forward slowly and kissed him gently on the lips, her hands still on the sides of his head…

'So… … … so warm and soft… but… … … I'm sorry Asuka… I don't deserve you…' was all that Shinji could think… Asuka pulled back very slowly… "A-Asuka… … … I-"

"Shhhhhh… Don't talk… not right now… … … Shinji… Whether you like it or not… I Love you… and I only realized that when you saved me after third impact… that wide empty beach… no one else around… … …You could have done so many horrible things to me… … …you could have left me on the beach to die… killed me… raped me… or SO MANY other things that MOST men WOULD have done in the same situation, but you didn't… Shinji… you're better then most men will EVER hope to be…"

"But Kaji-"

"Is a play boy wannabe who can't decide between one girl and the next… … … I think you know what I mean… … …"

"I do… … … Asuka… I-… Never mind… you'll hate me if I say it… or you'll just think I'm lying…"

"No! I mean… I won't think you're lying, I promise. And how could I hate you?" She pleaded, "I just told you that I realized how much I LOVE you! And besides… if you never tell me, you'll never REALLY know how I WILL respond to what you have to say, now WILL you?

"I… I guess you're right… … …ok… I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you Asuka… … … I… … … I've loved you since you first moved in with us… you're so beautiful… and you always seemed to know what you were doing! … … … I just … … … I didn't want to admit it… I don't … … I just didn't want to let my guard down… … … I don't want to be hurt again… … …"

Asuka stood up, Prompting Shinji to do the same… he did… She pressed her hands against his chest gently… moving him backwards… She pushed him down sitting him on the bed slowly and kissed him again… with a bit more force this time, pushing him down onto the bed and crawling on top of him… … …

"I won't hurt you…" She said softly, though pleading… … … She had her full weight on him now, the tips of her toes almost right next to his… their waists pressed against each other… … … her chest suspended mere inches above his… He looked… Like he had a new hope… … … I new spark in his eyes … … … it was weak… … … but it was still there…

"I… … … I love you Asuka… … …"

"I love you too Shinji… … …" She kissed him once more… a passionate kiss, without lust and aggression, but full of kind, caring love that was there to comfort him, and only him… … …

"Asuka… you… … … you shouldn't … … … I love you… but this is wrong… I shouldn't be taking advantage of your love like this… … …" Shinji spoke sincerely… but he made no move to push her away… this was the first time that he had ever felt anything besides pain since third impact…

Asuka chuckled for a moment, "I think that it would be the other way around… I'm the one on top you know… so that means that I'M the one who would be taking advantage of YOU… … …"

"Asuka… I- mphmm…mm… mmmmmm… … …" Shinji moaned quietly as he was cut off by another kiss… Deeper then the last two… She had slid her tongue into his mouth while it was still open, he could have stopped her, but he didn't… he didn't even WANT to…

Asuka broke the kiss after a moment… "Shinji… … … I love you… and none of those deaths were your fault… they all died so that you could live… … …if you throw your life away now, then they'll all have been in vain… … … but none of that… not even this," She said, caressing his left arm that had the most cuts across it, "can change the fact that I love you… … …" She pressed into a kiss again… … …

Shinji moved his arms upwards… onto the small of her back… … … and actually embraced her… it was weak… and would have been easily broken… but it was all Asuka needed to keep her love strong…

"Tonight…" Asuka whispered in his ear… "You… are all mine… (Alternate: You… belong to me…)

He moved his hands up and down, gently caressing her back in something that could have been taken as a massage… … … Asuka sighed into the kiss… … … their tongues moving slowly around in each others mouths… Asuka had closed her eyes… Shinji's were open only a small bit… her hands resting on his bare chest… his skin was pale and a little cold… but it was smooth… and it was all hers now… … …

Shinji rubbed her back more… She was so warm… he slid his hand under the back of her night shirt slowly, as though asking permission… … … after a moment of her not reacting badly to his tentative movements, he continued, both of them still sharing that lovingly passionate kiss… … … he rubbed her back gently… slowly… barely touching her skin with the tips of his fingers… … … her skin was soft and smooth… and almost silky to the touch… … … her scent… … … it was a sweet smell… he had never REALLY been close enough to smell her sweet fragrance like this before… … … it was a sweet combination… Cherry blossoms… and possibly a touch of apple… … … Shinji fully closed his eyes now… … … this… is what love was supposed to feel like… like nothing else in the world mattered… … … like it was just him and her, and every other problem in the world didn't really matter any more… as long as he was with the one that he truly loved… … …

Asuka broke the kiss for a moment and prompted him to take his hands back. She sat up on her knees… then slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, slowly sliding them off of his hips, then prompting him to get them off after they were down to his ankles… he did… … … then She did the same thing with his boxers… … … He was already hard, his 8 inch erection no longer being held down by his boxers… … … Asuka was actually impressed, he was usually so timid that she thought he must have a shortage of testosterone (no pun intended), but clearly, this was not the case… it was sheer will power that always made him back down, not weakness or cowardice, but chivalry and gentlemanliness that kept him from standing up to her all that time that they had known each other… … …. (Yes, gentlemanliness is a real word)

Asuka laid back down on top of him slowly… … … beginning a new kiss once again… … … Shinji sighed into the kiss this time… her silk panties were rubbing up against him… a surge of pleasure running up through him… he slid his hands back under her night shirt… rubbing with his entire hand now… their tongues were dancing again… a slow, passionate waltz of a dance… … …

Shinji kept rubbing her back, going all the way up to her shoulders… it was making the shirt slide up little by little… until at one point He stopped rubbing momentarily… … … He gripped the back of the shirt lightly… … … and gave just the slightest tug… … … Asuka didn't get mad… … … She didn't even get irritated… She simply broke the kiss and looked deep into his eyes… … … He saw everything in them, those big blue orbs that showed him everything… her hopes and dreams… her heart… her love… everything that he wanted… … … it was all there in those big blue eyes… … … they were so deep… a look of hope and longing portrayed on her beautiful, goddess like face… … … he took this as a good sign… a sign not to stop… … … he pulled lightly an the shirt… she tilted her arms forward and it simply slid off… like it had been waiting to come off… … … Asuka sat up and pulled all her hair back behind her, showing off her large breasts in the dim pink light… … …

"Do… Do you like them?" She asked quietly. Shinji's eyes were wide… … … this was the first time that she had ever willingly shown them to him… and it was wonderful…

"Of course… how couldn't I? I mean, it's like you always used to brag about… they're perfect in every way I can imagine…" He reached up and began to massage her right breast gently… circling his thumb around the nipple now and then…

Asuka gasped quietly… She let her head bob back a bit and closed her eyes… She was enjoying this sooooo much… she began to grind her waist against his member slowly… he groaned quietly… why they were both being so quiet was a simple reason… passion…

Asuka went to lay back down on him, but Shinji stopped her about half way down and quickly sat up enough to press his lips to her left nipple, suckling it gently… he ran his tongue in circles around her nipple, still massaging her right nipple… She gasped quietly, shortly followed by her moaning… a long, quiet moan that said she was enjoying it quite a bit… her nipples were hard … and he could feel her moistness through her panties… … … He continued to suck on her nipples gently… but he let go of her breast that he had been massaging… he tucked his thumbs under each side of her panties and pulled down… slowly… Very slowly… allowing Asuka time to decide against his actions if she felt them going too far… … … She didn't even flinch… … … He pulled her panties down to her knees since she was still ON her knees, then took them off the rest of the way one leg at a time, her lifting each leg for him to do so… … … She was actually blushing now… … … probably because he was staring at her looking awestruck… her shaved virgin slit was wet…almost to the point of dripping… … … her entire body glowed beautifully in the dim pink light that filled the room

"Shinjiii…" She pleaded, "Stop staring… … … I've never let anyone else see me bare before now… I'm still a little shy about it…"

"How can you expect me not to stare?" He asked lovingly, he had a slight smile… one that was full of love, and nothing BUT love… … … "You're SO beautiful, how can you expect anyone not to stare?" she smiled at his loving comment, "But… that's not really what I was staring at…" He looked between her legs… and his… She looked down and saw what he meant, and blushed even deeper… She hadn't been paying attention to where she was, She had positioned herself directly over his hardened member without thinking about it… … … the tip of it was already pressing against the lips of her entrance, even the slightest bit more pressure would have caused it to penetrate her most sensitive spot…

"Ah! You did that on purpose, didn't you?!" at those words Shinji's eyes widened, and he looked scared, like he was about to cry… He started to speak quickly, quietly, but still quickly.

"What?! No! I-… I didn't, honest! I-!" Asuka began to chuckle, a beautiful, loving chuckle.

"I know you didn't do it… I know it was me, don't worry…" She smiled lovingly at him, knowing that she had sent him into a panic when she didn't need to.

"I… I'm sorry Asuka… … … I may have been god for a short time… but I'm still a wimp…" He smiled weakly…

"Well I know one thing," She looked down where they were almost connected, "I'll never have to tell you to grow a pair ever again… I can attest to that…" She smiled wickedly, knowing that it would make him blush… and it did. "So…" She said lovingly again, "Are you ready to take me now?"

"A-… Asuka… … … Are… … … are you sure you want it to be me? Are you sure you want me to be the first person to- … … …"

"To fuck me?" She said casually.

"… … … No… … …"

"You want me to word it differently?"

"Yes!" He was still quiet, but enthusiastic about his answer.

"Ok, fine, the first person to have sex with me?"

"No…"

"Ok then, you word it… but say it as if it's what you want, ok?" She spoke quietly again, in a way that was both loving and playful at the same time.

"Uh… I… ok… um… … … Asuka…" He looked up into her deep blue eyes again… his own eyes full of love and care, hope and longing… "Asuka… I wish to be the first person to make love to you… … … will you let me?"

Asuka almost cried at those words… it was worded in a way that didn't speak lust, worded so that it didn't speak just body… It told her right then and there that he loved her for her soul… her heart… her everything… body wasn't as important to him as knowing that she loved him, and vice versa… … …

"Yes…" She squeaked… She leaned down into another kiss, sliding her tongue into his mouth again, and him returning the gesture. She pressed her hips down onto his throbbing erection… it slid in with almost no effort because she was so wet, it went all the way in… but after the first two inches it had broken her hymen (Popped her cherry)… She squeaked and wrapped her arms around Shinji like a vice grip, She was in tears from how much it had hurt…

Shinji groaned from how good it felt… … … but he wasn't worried about that…

"A-… Asuka… are you… alright? I know it's supposed to hurt like hell the first time for girls… … … do you think you can keep going, or does it hurt too much?" He looked into her eyes again… he looked worried and caring at the same time…

"Y-… Ya… … …" She was whimpering… "It DID hurt like hell… … … but…I'll be fine… just gimme a minute to get used to it… its hurting a bit less every couple of seconds…"

"I'd give you till fourth impact if you needed it... … … (Basic translation: I'd give you till the end of the world if you needed it…)

"Ohhhhww… Shinjiiii…" She crooned, wrapping her arms lightly-… well, lighter then she had been holding his back, lightly around his neck… … … She sighed… almost purred on his chest… … … It was absolutely intoxicating… … … "mmmm… I could fall asleep like this…" She teased.

"You could… and I wouldn't say anything against it…"

"Even though you're more Horney then Misato used to be right now?" She teased again.

"… … … yes, even though I'm more Horney right now then Misato always seemed to be…" He teased back…

She moaned quietly then sat up again slowly… "I think I'm ready now…"

"Are you sure that- Hhhhh…" he sighed quietly as she lifted herself up a few inches… then slid back down slowly… He didn't even have time to finish his question.

Asuka gasped as well… it still hurt quite a bit, but it felt too good to acknowledge that fact… … … it was an amazing sensation… She could feel him sliding up and past tissues, past the lips of her entrance, past the tunnel that led into her… it felt as though he had gone as deep as he could possibly go without hurting her… … … For Shinji, It was somewhat the opposite effect… he could feel how wet she was, warm and inviting, yet tight and constricting… it felt wonderful… amazing even… but all he wanted was to make her feel good, but if he felt the same in the process, so be it… … …

She did it again… with the same feelings for both of them, only that much better… and a few more times… slowly… then Shinji started to thrust his hips up to meet her falls… it was unbelievable, the pleasure was almost overwhelming… Asuka was gasping every few seconds, at an equal pace to their thrusts… … …

Shinji couldn't hold himself back any more, he grabbed Asuka's hips and started to speed up the pace… Asuka actually whimpered from how good it felt… Shinji considered stopping and asking if she was alright, but she wasn't telling him to stop, so on he went… faster every few seconds, thrusting up into her, her falling down onto him, but his member never fully leaving his lovers warm, wet, unbelievably tight depths… … … he kept going faster… thrusting harder and harder until he was practically bouncing her up and down… … …but it wasn't lust, no, it was purely passion, each wanting the other to feel the pure bliss of sexual pleasure, and each getting their wish for the other… … …

"Oh… GOD… Asuka!!"

"Shinji! Oh… yes! Shinji yes!!" They were both close to their climax, after all, it had been almost 5 minutes already…

Shinji had a sudden impulse… he moved his hands up to her back and pulled Asuka down on top of him, to a point that he was still inside of her, but She couldn't make any movements… he wanted to take control. Asuka complied but was confused; she didn't understand what he was trying to do… until he started pumping again… it was sheer bliss, the angle she was at was allowing him to hit ALL the right spots in her womanhood… it was actually taking effort not to climax right then and there… … …

"OH GOD SHINJI!! PLEASE! DON'T STOP, WHATEVER YOU DO! DON'T STOP!!"

But he did… only for a moment though, he flipped them both over so that he was on top of Asuka, then picked her up and pressed her flat against the wall, holding her up with his arms, she still had her arms wrapped around his neck, but she wrapped her legs around his waist, shoving him in even deeper then he had been going when she was on top… She let out a loud moan from how good it felt, he was thrusting in and out, deeper then he had been before, harder then before because of the way she was against the wall, faster and faster until…

"Ah! Shinji! Shinji!! SHINJIIIII!!" Asuka screamed his name as she had her first Climax, squirting her juices all over his member, and his waist, She would have pumped her waist as fast as she could have, but he was pinning her to the wall, so all she could do was wiggle up and down… but even that small movement was enough to make it feel that much better… … …

"Guh! ASUKAAA!!" He shouted as well, only a second or so afterwards, pumping faster then he thought he could, as a reaction of his orgasm… … … He thrusted into his lover one last time as hard as he could as the end of his orgasm hit, Causing Asuka to scream again, like she had climaxed again for the first time, only this time she hadn't screamed his name, She had just screamed… … … after a moment Shinji fell back onto his shins, as he had been on his knees, Asuka still on top of him, then he leaned back, prompting Asuka to let his waist go… She did, never removing his member from her inner depths… he laid down on his back, Asuka laid on top of him, her head on his chest and her Flaming red hair splayed across the two of them… both panting and trying to catch their breath… … … Shinji wrapped his arms around her once again… running his fingers through her hair… … …

"Oh… god Shinji… … … Where did you learn to do something like THAT?"

"I… don't know… honestly, I just figured it would feel better for you if there was more pressure, so… if you were up against the wall then you were getting your whole weight's worth of pressure… … …"

"Ah! Shinji… you did all that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you Asuka… … … "

"Then start eating again… and stop taking that knife of yours to your arm… … … I think I already know how to get you out of your room…" She said with a devilish grin, "And one last thing, if you EVER try to DO something to me while I'm SLEEPING… … …"

He was prepping himself to be verbally beaten… her voice had been calm as of thus far, but he knew he was about to be yelled at…

"… … … wake me up first… K?" She winked, still wearing that devilish grin… … …

"Uh… … … ok… … … I will… all of it… I'll eat breakfast tomorrow morning… I'll give you my knife… yes, you do know how to get me out of my room… I'd follow you to the ends of the earth at this point… … … and I PROMISE that I'll wake you up first…"

She looked towards him and he rubbed the tip of his nose against the tip of hers… … …

"I love you Asuka…"

"I love you too Shinji… … …" followed by a passionate kiss… … … they fell asleep in each other's arms after a short rime of simply cooing to each other… … … they had been kissing, not with their tongues, and not full of lust, but full of Love, care, loyalty, honesty, trust, hope, dreams, value in each other, and courage to do anything that needed to be done together… … … but most of all… it was full… _Of Passion_… … …


End file.
